Valentine's Day
by allieterag
Summary: Dumbledore enchants cupids, with some unexpected results!
1. Valentines Day

Hermione glared around her furiously. She _hated_ Valentine's day. If one more stupid, singing cupid tried to corner her in between classes (or, even worse, _in_ class) she was going to hex someone. She had actually already attempted to hex the cupids, but Dumbledore had anticipated these reactions and her curse had simply rebounded straight at her. Only Harry's quick reflexes had saved her from lighting herself on fire. She snorted at the thought of Ron's gleeful face when he heard her muttering darkly under her breath at the headmaster. _He_ could laugh all he wanted- he didn't have those barking cupids after him. It was cute that the first years had crushes on her, it really was, but this was too much. She was in her seventh year, and they were _eleven_.

She was currently cowering behind Harry, in a strategy that had proved fairly successful. As both Head Boy and the (so proclaimed) Chosen One, he had almost as many valentines as she did. Meaning that if a cupid saw him first, she would have the entirety of the poem to make her escape. Fortunately, Harry had not yet caught onto her little scheme but it was only a matter of time. She sighed in relief as the charms doorway came into view. _So close!_ She was nearly there when a particularly ugly cupid trilled her name, plucking an ominous sounding chord on his harp. "Oh bloody _hell_." She spat, shoving her books into Harry's arms. Perhaps all those years of studying did cause her to snap, but in her defense you might react similarly if you had spent the last six hours with horrible ugly men in diapers throwing pink glitter and chanting bad poetry at you.

Without another word, she turned and sprinted for the one place not even the bloody enchanted cupids would dare go. As students headed to class, the hallways cleared and she increased her speed, growing desperate as it slowly gained on her. She nearly fell going down the stairs, but caught herself and continued at an all out sprint. Nevertheless, the cupid inexorably inched closer, now emitting the pungent stench of over-ripe flowers. Her eyes wide, she chanced a glance backwards. It was only about a foot behind her. Her destination in sight, she put on one last bust of speed and hurled herself into a classroom.

The teacher looked up, clearly horrified. Grinning maniacally, she flung herself behind him. The cupid zoomed in after her, only to come face to face with one very irate Potions Master. As Snape's gaze darkened, the cupid visibly shrank backwards. Snape slowly reached for his wand, a look of twisted glee spreading across his face. The cupid, wisely, decided to make a hasty retreat. High pitched squeals could be heard echoing up the corridor as the smell of funeral flowers drifted behind him.

Hermione nearly cheered, but instead she gasped out "Thank you, Professor! They are driving me mad! I can't even get to class without one tracking me down, singing some horrible song, and throwing pink glitter." He sneered, arching one eyebrow imperiously. "Too many admirers, Miss Granger? I can't imagine why." Smiling warmly at him, she ignored his insult completely. With a great amount of effort, she pulled herself upright and caught her breath. As soon as she was composed enough to speak again, the desperation of her actions truly began to set in. "I am sorry to interrupt you, Professor. I can help you grade papers if you want." She noticed his look of confusion and looked back at him aghast. "Well I'm not going back out there- its probably lurking!" There was a clear note of panic in her voice, and despite himself he nearly smiled at the thought of Hermione Granger, Gryffindor princess and resident bookworm, being terrified of a silly Valentine's day tradition. She seemed to catch his amusement. "Don't laugh, Severus, you know they are horrid. If Dumbledore hadn't charmed them to repel curses I wouldn't have this problem."

He sighed. "As much as your sordid love affairs are not my concern, you can't very well stay here all day, it will disrupt my work. Drink this." He handed her a potion off a nearby shelf. "It's a concealment potion. They wont be able to connect your face with your name. Humans are immune to it, so it should not disrupt your school work."

Hermione beamed. "Thanks, Professor Snape! I'm not even going to ask why you have a pre-made bottle sitting next to your desk." She winked cheekily and swallowed the potion, beaming euphorically. Impulsively, she kissed him lightly on the cheek and danced to the door. There she paused, turning and gracing him with the most Slytherin smirk she could muster. "Oh, and Sev? Your second years are staring at you." Laughing, she blew a kiss at the astonished class, who had been watching the scene unfold with rapt attention. "Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger, for referring to me casually during school hours. And another twenty for that...unseemly form of affection!". He had clearly forgotten their presence until her reminder. "It's called a kiss!" She retorted in her best know-it-all voice, her laughter echoing behind her as she spun giddily out of the dungeon.

Ten minutes later, Hermione walked calmly into Charms. "Sorry, sir, Professor Snape was helping me with a problem." Professor Flitwick nodded, motioning her to her seat without a reprimand. Hermione was some what of a favorite with the teachers, and had even accepted an apprenticeship with Snape the previous summer. The school was aware that he tolerated her, but they usually kept their friendship closely under wraps. Nevertheless, it was not unusual for her to show up slightly late to class, and since they all knew she kept her work up and how time consuming it could be to work with Severus, they were quite tolerant of her tardiness.

She slid into her usual seat next to Harry, and he wasted no time in leaning over to talk to her. "You do realize that the entire school is talking about how you kissed Snape, don't you?" She nodded. "He gave me a concealment potion. Those _things_ can't find me now!" Harry glared at her jealously. "No fair! Do you think he would give me some?" She chuckled. "Sorry, Potter, I think you are stuck." He pouted slightly before sitting upright abruptly. "What? You actually _kissed_ _Snape?_" She rolled her eyes. "On the cheek, Harry. Like I do to you and Ron. Now pay attention!" He shrugged and settled back into his seat as he as Ron shared a glance and chuckled lightly.

Hermione quite enjoyed her cupid-free Valentine's day, and in no time at all it was dinner. She smiled serenely as she walked into dinner on Ron's arm, Harry trailing just behind underneath the invisibility cloak. It was just minutes after Charms that he had been ambushed by no less then fifteen of the horrid creatures and in a blind panic actually attempted to run through a wall. The resulting concussion made Hermione send him to bed for the rest of classes, and only the threat of hexes and an empty stomach had convinced him to brave the halls of Hogwarts once again.

Unfortunately, she had only just slipped him his food and began to work on filling her own plate when Professor Snape stormed into the great hall, his normally sedate pace suddenly hurried. He stopped by her seat. "Hermione, we have to get out of here- now. Dumbledore found my potion stash and-". She had heard enough. Snatching her bag off the ground, she rose and turned to flee the hall. They had taken no more than two steps, however, when Dumbledore's cheerful voice stopped them in their tracks. "Severus, Miss Granger, I must say that I am very disappointed in you. The Head Girl and Potions Master trying to sabotage this lovely holiday tradition. I'm afraid that can't be allowed." Hermione and Snape glanced at the twinkle in his eye, then let out a slight whimper of fear. Raising their wands at the exact same moment, they began chanting all the shield and silencing charms they knew at the army of cupids that had appeared over their heads. For a moment, it looked as though the charms would hold, then Dumbledore smiled serenely and waved his wand. The wards shook ominously. Snape cursed. "One more of his clever little spells and we are done for."

Hermione grasped desperately at Harry. "You're the bloody boy-who-lived! Do something!" He hissed back urgently. "No way! I just got away from those monsters! I'm not risking myself!" Snape sneered at him "Some hero you turned out to be! How anti-Gryffindor of you!" Ron shook his head. "Hes not suicidal, you know." Dumbledore swished his wand a second time and the first cupid swooped towards the pair. The surrounding students gasped in excitement. Panicking, Hermione yanked off Harry's cloak. "Look! IT"S HARRY POTTER! GET HIM!" She screeched, ducking under it desperately. Harry gaped at where she had just dissapeared, horrified. "She just... sacrificed me...to..." A few of the cupids swept towards him, eyes glinting madly. "Accio invisibility cloak!" Dumbledore intoned, leaving the three people entirely exposed.

Cursing, Hermione shot a jet of water out of her wand, hitting the surprised bug in the face. It shied away, and she shrieked in excitement. "Sev, use the food! They are all sweetness and love, they hate to be messy!" His eyes shone in admiration. "You really are the brightest witch of your age, you know," he asserted fondly. She smirked. "Yes, I know."

"SLYTHERINS! UP!" Snape roared, and the entire house flung themselves instantly away from the table, several older students grabbing the confused younger ones. "When Snape says something, you do it." Blaise crossly informed the first years who were unceremoniously chucked onto him in the haste to get them off the table. Snape and Hermione dove towards the table, one quick spell turning it sideways to use as a shelter. The food fell to the side, instantly covering them in a mess of colors and textures. Hermione grinned, watching in glee as the already disgusted cupids darted away from her carefully placed handful of mashed potatoes. The Ravenclaw table shrieked as the remnants splattered down on them. Severus gulped as more cupid appeared. "Uh, 'Mione? You appear to have made them angry." She gulped. "HELP!" She yelled, in the general direction of the Gryffindors and they just as quickly turned their table into a battle fort. Hermione shot an impatient glare at the Slytherins, who in the seconds without shelter had become absolutely covered in food. Harry shrugged at them and waved them under the Gryffindor table. "He's your head of house, help us defend them and you can stay."

The food from the combined houses caused even more of the cupids to retreat, and Snape gurgled happily. Startled, Hermione stared at him. "Did you just gurgle? Never mind, just remind me to mock you later for all of your secret admirers." He scowled. "I am the feared potions master! I have greasy hair and sallow skin and a nose like a beak!" he lamented, "WHY would they fancy me?" Hermione studied him for a moment as the cupids paused to regroup. "Well, there is that devastatingly sexy voice you have." He blinked, and she yelled a war cry and launched yet another attack on the looming faeries. "Are you going to help me? Or what?" He shrugged and joined in the fight. Between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins, the cupids were slowly but surely backed into a corner.

Up at the relatively mess free Head Table, Dumbledore surveyed the scene in astonishment. He hadn't truly thought that Miss Granger and Severus would lower themselves to this point just to avoid some decorations. As McGonagall spluttered in horror next to him, he noticed the cooperation between the Gryffindor and Slytherin battle troops. The twinkle returned to his eyes full force. Was this really all it took to mend inter-house rivalries? Well then... A flick of his wand summoned even more of the creepy cupids, this time aimed in the direction of the Head table, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff. Simultaneously, the students all screamed and adopted similar defense strategies. The teachers chose to rush to the defense of their various favorite students, leaving Dumbledore alone at the head of the hall. Beaming, he cast an impervious on himself. "FOODFIGHT!" He bellowed, snatching up a large biscuit and throwing it in the general direction of Hagrid.

An hour and a half later, Dumbledore chuckled to himself and banished the now unconscious cupids. Whistling cheerfully, he sat back upon his podium and observed the remains of the Great Hall. To his left, an exhausted Hermione was using Snape's stomach as a pillow, her hair splayed across him and her hand still wrapped firmly around what appeared to be a half rotten pear.

His grin widened as he observed the fort Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter had made out of chairs and rubble from what used to be the Slytherin table. The majority of the first years huddled behind the walls, and Harry and Draco had defended Fort First (as it had been dubbed somewhere in the beginnings of its construction) with great success. They had been fighting together for the past hour, never letting a single cupid within fifty feet of the safe house. Relieved of their duty to protect the ickle firsties, Harry and Draco had simply sagged against each other and sank to the floor, somehow in possession of each others wands. They were back to back, supporting each others weight and providing a shoulder for the others head to fall back onto, both asleep before they hit the ground.

The Ravenclaw battle had been turned into HQ, with Ronald Weasley, Luna Lovegood, and Blaise Zabini conducting the student's strategy. Most of the Ravenclaws had taken up defensive positions around HQ, keeping the cupids away with any means necessary. (Really, no one was sure who had begun conjuring books to throw, but it had proved quite successful- the larger tomes could knock out a cupid entirely -although they were quite difficult to throw.)

The most shocking spectacle, however, were the Guard and Supply Teams, or G.A.S. Teams. The Hufflepuffs had almost immediately entered into an alliance with both Peeves and the House Elves to provide sufficient ammo for the other houses. Once Peeves assortment of muck, ooze, sludge, and swamp water entered the fray, the tide turned. At great risks to themselves, Hufflepuff began sprinting across the hall to each student strong hold, carrying great platters of ammo. Burdened down like this, they could not protect themselves. Ron saw this, and with a curt suggestion sent the Slytherins out to guard them. The two houses who always had such disdain for each other found new respect during the battle, working seamlessly to distribute food. The remaining Ravenclaw joined this effort as well, along with most of the teachers. Somehow, table SG (formerly known as the Slytherin table, shortened to Snape/Granger and then to letters alone) and Fort First required more ammo than anywhere else, despite the fact that there were only two people guarding each.

As soon as the Cupids had vanished, everyone had slipped into a dazed silence before curling up on the floor in any matter they found comfortable and drifting off to sleep. Dumbledore chuckled lightly and pulled out a muggle camera, snapping pictures of the entire room before sweeping off to have a talk with the house elves.

The next morning, Hermione woke to a strange rumbling noise coming from the ground. _Why is the ground rumbling- wait, why am I on the ground_? She wondered, feeling the warm sun on her back. Her nose was pressing against something soft, and she reluctantly decided that she should probably look to see what it was. Cracking open her eyes with great effort she found herself staring into the face of- _Professor Snape_? Startled, she let out a soft scream. _Not the wisest decision_, she noted as he instinctively sat up and reached for his wand, dumping her onto the ground beside him. He stared around in confusion. _Where is my wand? Is that a... carrot that I am holding? Why am I not in my rooms? What was Miss Granger doing laying on top of me?_ As that last thought sank in, he began to panic in earnest. _Oh, shit. Ive done something stupid_. He thought in horror. _How drunk was I last night?_ As he frantically swept his eyes over the Great Hall, he sighed in relief as he remembered what had happened.

On the ground, Hermione was amusing herself with the emotions playing across his normally composed face. Apparently, he was unused to being woken at such an early hour (by her guess it was around six in the morning, the time she usually got up for school) and was still confused. When he pulled himself to his feet and offered her a hand, she accepted graciously. "Morning" She whispered cheekily. He glowered. "What are you so bloody cheerful about? You know I hate morning." Her grin widened. "It is officially the fifteenth of February, Sev. Valentines day is over." His sleepy scowl dissipated instantly. "Thats right! Those bloody bugs didn't get us!" The stared at each other ginning for several moments before Hermione's expression fell. "oh, no. Look! We've practically destroyed the Great Hall! I am going to be in so much trouble..." Snape shrugged grimly. "Well, Valentine's Day does make people do desperate things."

Hermione nodded fervently. "And I'm sorry about interrupting your second year potions class. Oh, and I've probably ruined your reputation as the Greasy Bat of the Dungeons who no one likes. Sweet Merlin, I kissed you in front of a class!" He shook her slightly to get her out of the panic she was working her way up to. "'Mione, I don't care. Really. They were all suspicious anyway what with me taking you on as an apprentice. Now, lets get cleaned up and meet back here in an hour. I suspect that Dumbledore will show up around then, and we can get this all straightened out then." She nodded, still looking slightly panicked. "wait, I can't make it up to Gryffindor, shower, change, and get back in an hour. Can I just use the Slytherin showers?" He eyed her suspiciously. "Not trying to steal house secrets are you? Just in case, you can use mine- Ill borrow Draco's."


	2. Aftermath

When Dumbledore arrive on the scene just over half an hour later, it was to find most of the school still fast asleep on the floor. He chuckled lightly before casting a sonorus on himself. "GOOD MORNING, STUDENTS!" he boomed cheerfully, whipping out his camera to capture their faces as they woke next to their former enemies, still covered in food, to the intimidating sight of their headmaster and most of their teachers (who were, as a rule, all early risers and had thus already made their way to their various rooms and cleaned up). Harry and Draco had both jumped to their feet, wand in hands, at the sudden noise. They now stood glaring at each other suspiciously. "Thats my wand you're holding, Potter." Sneered Malfoy, brandishing Harry's own wand at him, his imperious manner spoiled by the fact that his hair was entirely covered in pink icing (the one foodstuff that the cupids had not minded), and there was a large pile of baked beans sliding down the side of his face. Harry glared back for a moment before bursting into laughter. "Your hair!" He choked, tossing Draco's wand at the ground beneath his feet, unable to feel threatened by a boy who looked that ridiculous. Malfoy's hand flew up protectively. "You're one to talk- AHH!" His retort, which would undoubtedly had been properly scathing, descended into a high pitched scream upon the realization that the icing had congealed his hair to the point that he couldn't move it.

Two tables over, Ginny Weasley lay sprawled underneath Blaise Zabini, who hadn't so much a twitched at Dumbledore's announcement. She grimaced, using all her strength to try and roll him off her, but he merely snored and cuddled her closer. "Oh, for Merlin's sake, Zabini! Wake up!" She shouted. Millicent Bullistrode strolled by, scowling. "You should be thanking him. Its the only time he would ever willingly touch you." Ginny grimaced at her. "Trust me, I would be much happier if he never did." Cho Chang came running over, interrupting the mini glaring fest. "Ginny? Pansy is trapped under Ron, can you tell us how to wake him up?" Ginny smirked. "Only if someone will get Zabini off of me." Millicent sneered, but decided that rescuing her best friend was worth helping an enemy. "Fine." She bent next to his ear. "Quick! Someone has stolen Snuggles!" She whispered as low as possible. Due to sheer proximity, Ginny heard her. "Who-" she began, but stopped abruptly as Blaise shot off of her. "WHO STOLE-" Milli slapped a hand over his mouth. "I had to wake you up. We are in the great hall." Ginny smirked. "Snuggles? Really?" She mouthed at Millicent, whose glare was ruined by the half smile she couldn't hold back. Ginny leaped to her feet. "C'mon, lets go wake up my darling brother. Cho, show the way." Upon arrival, however, both girls broke down into laughter. Pansy wasn't so much trapped under Ron as by him. He had a death grip around her waist, holding her on top of his body as easily as if she were a teddy bear. She craned her head up at the laughter. "Milli! This is so not funny! He keeps calling me Hermione!" Although Millicent's look grew horrified, Ginny's grin widened and tears of laughter began pouring down her cheeks. Composing herself with effort, she knelt by Ron's head. "OH MY GOD! A SPIDER!" She shrieked. There was an instant explosion of movement as Ron leaped to his feet and hurled Pansy bodily through the air in one swift motion. Horrified, Ginny and Millicent watched as a screeching Pansy landed rather heavily on...sweet Merlin, was that Flitwick? Millicent's eyes widened. "I didn't see anything if you didn't." Ginny nodded instantly, and they both slipped away quietly from the obvious launching point.

On her way out the door, she stumbled across a blushing Neville trying valiantly to extricate himself from Luna. Sometime during the course of the night, her necklace had gotten tangled in his belt buckle, and they were having quite a lot of problems getting it undone. The necklace, that is, not his belt. Her face was trapped against his stomach, making it impossible for either of them to see how to untangle themselves. Ernie MacMillian, who had only recently began dating Luna, sat bouncing on his heels next to them, muttering anxiously every time Neville's hands accidentally brushed against Luna instead of the necklace. This was causing poor Neville more than a bit of distress, as he would instantly flinch backwards and apologize, losing whatever progress he had made. Ginny snorted quietly. "Neville, I'm really sorry." She muttered, reaching around Luna's head and deftly unbuckling Neville's belt, pulling it out off his belt loops in one quick motion. She handed the belt to Ernie as Neville gaped, his face turning an even darker crimson. Fred and George appeared suddenly over her shoulder. "We saw that" They chorused. "Ginevra Molly Weasley", Fred continued. "You did that way too easily." George continued. "Have you been taking lots of boys pants off?" They glowered. "Or just Neville's?" Fred suggested, as they both leaned menacingly in his direction. He shrieked and took off, ducking behind the entire Ravenclaw Quidditch team (who were known for an intense dislike of the twins). Ginny slapped them both neatly across the head. "Gits. You scared him. You don't even go here anymore!" They nodded. "We know!" They chanted simultaneously. Fred shrugged. "But you know us-" "Whenever there is mischief" "Whenever there is mayhem..." They bowed dramatically. "We are at your service," They chorused. "Is it true that Hermione and Snape started the battle because everyone found out about their secret engagement?" Behind George, a Ravenclaw drew in a sharp breath. "I did see her kiss him..." Fred and George's grins widened. "Oh! Lets go encourage the rumors!" they chanted, linking arms and skipping off merrily. Ginny shook her head wearily and began the long climb back to Gryffindor tower.

By the time Hermione and Snape made it back to the Great Hall, most of the students had headed back to their common room for clean clothes. Dumbledore saw them approaching and swiftly stopped them. "There you two are!" He beamed. They glanced at each other cautiously, ready to run at the slightest sign of betrayal. Dumbledore eyes twinkled at them merrily. "There is a school wide meeting at three o clock today in the Astronomy tower. I expect you shall both be there." With a dramatic flair of his robes, he swept off. Snape turned to her. "Oh no, this is bad. He is too cheerful. We need a plan." Hermione nodded. "I'll get Ron and meet you in the dungeons. Bring whomever in your house can think strategically."

Three o clock found the entirety of the Hogwarts student body standing nervously in the astronomy tower, waiting for Dumbledore. As soon as everyone was clean and showered, they reverted to their normal behavior, standing clustered according to House, with one rather noticeable exception. Hermione, Ron, Snape, and Blaise Zambini stood between the Gryffindors and Slytherins, eyeing the door suspiciously. Dumbledore chuckled and made himself visible, standing serenely at the podium. The students screamed, and Hermione and Snape actually threw themselves to the ground before they realized he wasn't planning on chucking any more magical creatures at them. Sheepishly, they stood. Dumbledore winked at them before turning on the rest of the students. "I am deeply disappointed in all of you," he intoned, as students visibly wilted. "You showed no respect for this wonderful school that serves as our home. You will all have the Great Hall cleaned by dinner tonight, with no wands." The Slytherins muttered, but did not object outright, while the other Houses accepted their punishment meekly. Dumbledore's eyes resumed their customary twinkle. "I was, however, delighted by the teamwork I saw last night. There were no House boundaries, and everyone was united. It disappoints me to see that you have all already forgotten this lesson." The students muttered and looked even more ashamed, but made no move towards the other Houses. "Therefore, as a reminder, I have made copies of all the pictures from last night." With a quick flick of his wand, an old fashioned muggle movie projector appeared and began playing a slide show.

The first photo was of Hermione and Professor Snape staring up at Dumbledore in shock and betrayal as a swarm of cupids dove towards them. Laughter rang through the room. _Click_. A snapshot of the Head Boy lobbing a piece of broccoli while yelling maniacally flashed up next. _Click_. McGonagall missing a cupid and instead covering the Creevy brothers in a thick stew. _Click_. Harry and Draco lay sleeping, using each other as a pillow. _Click_. Millicent Bullistrode shoving a crying Cho Chang under a table to avoid a particularly fat cupid's attack. _Click_. Ron pointing and yelling instructions at one of the G.A.S teams, while Pansy held off a cupid that had veered dangerously close. _Click_. Snape and Hermione, looking absolutely terrifying, together hurling an entire vat of gravy into a cupids face. _Click_. A tiny Ravenclaw summoning a book to hand Crabbe, who was lobbing them straight towards the thick of battle. _Click_. A Hufflepuff second year back to back with Theodore Nott, both armed with zucchini. _Click. _Three tiny Gryffindor first years working together to haul Goyle off the floor and get him under a table._ Click. Click. Click. Click. _

Dumbledore chuckled at the student's stunned faces as they saw proof of exactly how carried away they had gotten. Another flick of his wand and the images disappeared. "Now, I believe that you all have some cleaning to do before the night is over. There will be copies of the pictures hanging, well, every where. Feel free to take some, I've charmed them to multiply infinitely. " His sudden good humor vanished. "And remember, if you do not use this opportunity to work on inter-house cooperation, I _will_ _bring back the cupids until you do._"


	3. Christmas

**A/N: Okay, so I was planning on this story being a one shot about...oh...three chapters ago. Yet somehow, it is still going. A few days ago a posted a second chapter for a friend of mine, then this idea kind of spewed out. Tell me what you think! Sorry this chapter is short and not as funny, I will update soon. Love you all and thanks to all my wonderful reviewers!**

Almost a year had passed since that fateful Valentine's day. Inter-house relations had improved drastically. The house tables were still in place, but no one sat according to house-at least, not until today they hadn't. Unfortunately, the Slytherin and Gryffindor truce had fallen through after a particularly nasty fall out of Hermione and Snape's, in which he bade her never return to the dungeon. Her house defended her, the Slytherins had defended Snape, and that was the end of the peace. Tonight, they strode in together, glaring at the other houses defiantly.

Dumbledore promptly stood. "My dear Slytherins. Congratulations! You have indeed learned from the other houses. Such bravery! Truly Gryffindor of you!"

He raised his wand and the Slytherins screamed, diving for all the other tables. Too late. The cupids once again regained control of the Great Hall. This time, the students were prepared. Ron jumped onto Gryffindor table. "Plan 472! Ravenclaw, MOVE!" As one, the Ravenclaws began conjuring books to throw. Susan Bones jumped up next to Ron.

"Broomsticks" She ordered, and every Quidditch player in the room summoned their brooms. She nodded at the Slytherins, who stood meekly, unsure if the escape plan still included them. "Yes, you too. Draco, Blaise - First years!"

Without panicking, they began a swift evacuation. The Ravenclaws and Hermione began to wingardium leviosa the books to the Quidditch players, who immediately began an aerial bombardment on the cupids. The Slytherins formed a defensive wall, behind which the first years were swiftly herded out of the Hall by the rest of the students. The Slytherins followed, wands still held at the ready but unused. As soon as everyone else was clear, the Air Force (so dubbed by Colin Creevy) dove sharply, extended a hand to the student who had been supplying their ammo, pulled them onto the broom, and sped to the Shrieking Shack.

Sure enough, the Whomping Willow proved quite the effective defense against the cupids, and Dumbledore was forced to concede defeat. A mighty cheer arose from the tunnel when he vanished the cupids. Dumbledore pressed his wand to his throat. "Impressive. I hope this has been a good reminder of why inter house unity is so important. Merry Christmas!"

The next morning found Hogwarts in a state of great cheer. An uneasy truce had developed between Slytherin and Gryffindor- whenever Dumbledore could see, they would not fight. This lasted up until a week from Christmas break, when the students arrived for the pre-Christmas feast. Ginny Weasley and Blaise Zabini had arrived at the same time, and he attempted to shove past her.

"Get to your rightful place, blood traitor." He hissed softly, smiling sweetly in case Dumbledore could see them. She favored him with a grin that did nothing to hide the ice in her eyes.

"Why thank you," she responded acidly, stepping gracefully around him and through the door. He cursed and moved to get one last shove in, only to run directly into her.

She swore. "What the bloody hell, Zabini! Dumbledore can see us!"

A cheerful voice sounded from directly behind her. "Au contrair, Miss Weasley, I have my eyes focused quite firmly above you."

They automatically cringed and glanced upwards. When no cupid appeared, they looked back at him in confusion. "It has come to my attention," Dumbledore intoned, his voice ringing through the now silent hall, "That all inter house hostilities have not ceased. As you have successfully defeated my cupids and they are rather out of season anyway, I have developed a new way to improve inter house relations. Oh, look! Mistletoe!"

He beamed at Ginny and Blaise, who stood horrified beneath it, their feet firmly stuck to the ground. Dumbledore continued on, unperturbed. "Not to fear, it will appear only when two people of different genders within the same age range are underneath. Cheers!"

Ginny gaped in horror. "He...enchanted...mistletoe?" Blaise nodded grimly.

"Attacking mistletoe... I suddenly cannot wait for Christmas to end. Listen, I need to call a strategy meeting. This could get real ugly real fast. Will you tell Ravenclaw?" Ginny nodded swiftly.

"Just don't tell Ron how we found out about it, okay?" A quick peck on the lips and they parted, both sprinting for their respective towers. Halfway there, she ran straight into Harry. She cringed and glanced up in exasperation as she felt her feet stick tightly to the floor.

"Listen, Dumbledore enchanted mistletoe to trap anyone of the same age and different gender underneath it until they kiss. Sorry!" She kissed him quickly. "Tell everyone!"

She ran on, leaving Harry gaping after her. She was at the Ravenclaw entrance when Terry Boot came up behind her. She cursed loudly and threw herself out of the range of the stupid mistletoe. A quick hex had him frozen a safe distance away.

"Terry, no offense, but I do not want to kiss you right now. We have an emergency. Dumbledore has created attacking mistletoe to force more inter house cooperation. Apparently he found out about the SlythGryff feud. Anyone within the same age group of a different sex is stuck in place until they kiss. Can you tell Ravenclaw and meet us in the Room of Requirement? Have the boys travel in one group and the girls in another, and for the love of Merlin _don't let the groups get too close to each other_." She spun around, lifting the hex and sprinting for the Gryffindor tower.

She reached the tower with no further incidents to find the girls on one side of the common room and the boys on another. She sighed in relief.

"Oh, good. I see Harry found you. School wide meeting in the Room of Requirement – now. Boys, you go first. Avoid all passages that any other house might take, I don't know which sex they are sending first. I will be directing traffic in the corridor we will all have to share. Hermione, come with me, we need to talk." The two girls sped out of the common room, running carefully towards the RoR.

"Mione, what happened between you and Snape? We've respected your privacy, but it had so better be worth dodging boys until after Christmas." Hermione sighed.  
"The usual. He said I was a know-it-all, I said he was a greasy git, some second year asked if it was true we were engaged, he said we weren't even friends, and I got my feelings hurt. I said we were not going to be until he apologized, and he has not."

Ginny glared at her suspiciously. "I'm not buying that. You are both too upset. What really happened?"

Hermione groaned at how perceptive her friend was. "Well, I might have thrown in some comments that were slightly below the belt."

Ginny arched an eyebrow. "Let me guess...literally?"

Hermione flushed crimson. "I was really angry! He said some equally terrible things!" Ginny roller her eyes.

"I'm sure he did, but Snape is a proud man he is definitely not just going to forgive you for that! Never mind, we will finish this conversation later." They had arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

Three months after Christmas, the mistletoe was still up.

Ginny and Blaise, who had been declared the official heads of this crisis, had called a meeting in the Room of Requirement. It was the one place that the mistletoe couldn't enter, and all four houses had been using it as a combination common room/library/safe haven. Their evasion methods had been quite effective thus far, but...everyone was getting pretty antsy.

During that first meeting in the RoR the leaders (Ginny, Blaise, Hermione, Draco, Luna) had spent hours pouring over the Marauders Map, dividing up the school into boy's hallways and girl's hallways.

Where mixing could not be avoided, they drew lines down the entire hall (much to Filch's horror and dismay, he was STILL unable to remove them).

The Seventh Year girls and the First Year boys had the two lanes down the center, as the mistletoe seemed to consider this too much of an age gap. Next on the girls side was the six years and so forth until the first years were up against the wall. The boy's pattern ran the opposite direction, and this had proved effective, if a little bit of a hassle.

Even the classrooms had divided, most of the teachers simply pretending that they didn't notice.

Everyone was sick and tired of it though, Ginny included. She wanted to be able to speak to boys outside of the Room! She knew that her frustration was echoed throughout the student body, and she and Blaise had called this meeting to discuss a more...aggressive battle plan.

Blaise, Ginny, Draco, Ron, Harry, and Luna stood in a threatening semi circle around Hermione and Professor Snape.

"Apologize."

"Absolutely not. I am a teacher at this school, and I _will not _apologize to some...little girl." Snape cast a disdainful stare at Hermione, who was slowly turning red with suppressed fury.

Blaise stared at him in disbelief. "Are you serious? Haven't you noticed that you are the only teacher that gets trapped by this mistletoe? Do you really want to kiss any more of your students?"

Snape sneered. "I will simply have to work harder at brewing the repellent," he sniffed.

The entire group wheeled on him.

"Repellent?" Asked Harry, very softly.

Ginny raised her wand threateningly. "If you have repellent and you haven't been..."

Snape dismissed them with an impatient wave. "Oh, calm down. I haven't been able to brew one successfully...yet."

Despite herself, Hermione looked interested. "Did you try..."

"Of course I did, you silly girl, that was the first thing I did. But it..."

"Yes, of course it did, did you use peppermint or..."

"Boomslang, it's much stronger."

"That would make..."

"But that cure is easy, and...mostly...effective."

"Not as effective as..."

"Obviously, but that would contrast with the..."

"And the...no...unless you added unicorn hair, but...wait...add salt." Hermione announced triumphantly.

Severus' jaw dropped. "But wouldn't that...actually, no...the gillyweed would, in fact...that's brilliant!"

She grinned. "I know. You forgot the simplest rule of balancing the humors of your ingredients _again!_ How have you managed not to blow yourself up? No, no, don't answer that I don't want to know."

He smiled back sheepishly. "I haven't been making much."

She rolled her eyes. "This is stupid, Sev. I'm sorry for what I said, you _know_ I didn't mean that how it came out."

"Nor did I."

"Yes you did." They added together, then laughed.

They turned to the rest of the group, who were rolling their eyes at each other.

"Glad the two of you made up," drawled Draco "Now, I have an idea..."

Dumbledore smiled contentedly as he strolled towards the Great Hall, just a step in front of Ginny Weasley and Blaise Zabini (who were, of course, walking on opposite sides of the hallway, wands at the ready). The Mistletoe was particularly attracted to them for some reason, and they had both learned to be extremely cautious (and that the faster they kissed the less people noticed them stuck together).

This mistletoe thing was working out just fine. The girls from every house had formed a close bond, and all of the boys had learned to keep the peace. He knew that once he vanished the mistletoe the inter house conflict would all but end.

Not that he had any intention of getting rid of his beautiful plants though, he was having far too much fun. Also, he was pretty sure that there were still some rivalries lurking down in one particular dungeon.

He pushed open the doors and strode calmly into the Hall, only to stumble to a stop in surprise.

Every student in the school was stuck in place by his mistletoe...and they were all grouped around the exits.

A moment too late, he realized what was going on and spun towards the door. Too late. Ginny, Blaise, Ron, Luna, Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott, Neville, Harry, Cho, and Draco were standing behind him, effectively blocking the doorway.

A cheer went up from the students and Dumbledore walked reluctantly towards where the rest of the teachers were glaring at him from the head table.

Severus grinned, the only one who was not scowling. Just before Dumbledore arrived at his seat, Snape slid into Dumbledore's chair. A beaming Miss Granger appeared from behind it and settled herself comfortably on his lap.

Dumbledore stared in pure shock as a cheerful ringing sound announced the arrival of the final piece of greenery.

Hermione nodded at Snape's chair solemnly. "Please, sit down. We would like to discuss the mistletoe with you."

Dumbledore paused for a moment to assess the situation. He and all of his teachers were literally sealed into the Great Hall by groups of students who could not move due to the magical plants. His potions professor was sitting in his chair. His head girl was sitting on his potions professor. He sighed. How had his plan gone so wrong?

"Very well." He eased himself into Severus' chair. Hermione grinned sweetly.

"Thank you. The mistletoe needs to go. Immediately."

"You have made your point." Severus added his support, punctuated

Dumbledore nodded, regretfully realizing that they were indeed correct. "Very well."

Hermione smiled calmly. "We will need you to make an unbreakable oath saying that you will not use any form of holiday decoration to attack us ever again." She paused, considering that statement for a moment. "Never thought I would say that sentence."

Dumbledore frowned. This was taking things a step too far. "Miss Granger, as you are well aware, Unbreakable Oaths are highly frowned upon by the Ministry." He turned to his potions master. "Severus, I am disappointed that you would agree to…" He trailed off in disbelief as Professor McGonagall sailed over to his seat, wand outstretched.

"Don't be ridiculous, Albus, the students will never learn anything if they are looking over their shoulders and eyeing holiday decorations suspiciously. I suppose we can only be grateful that you happened upon this idea during Valentine's Day rather than Halloween."

A collective shudder ran through the great hall, and Dumbledore sighed in defeat. "Very well." He clasped Hermione's hand in his and swore.

Cheers broke out across the hall as McGonagall vanished all of the mistletoe except the one that was hovering over Snape and Hermione.

All eyes went to them, and Hermione sent a mischievous grin at Dumbledore. She kissed Sev neatly on the cheek and together they shot a hex directly into the mistletoe.

It exploded into thousands of tiny pieces, each of which blossomed into a full self-replicating firework. Banners appeared over the house tables, all the house colors swirled together on each banner.

Professor Flitwick jumped happily onto the table. With a sweep of his wand the tables were stacked neatly against the walls. Another flick and loud music blasted through the hall. The students surged forward excitedly.

Draco grinned striding to the center of the room and conjuring a microphone to be heard over the music. "Welcome to the first annual inter-house party!"


End file.
